Monday, January 27, 2014

The Big Day

Today is the big day, my 3rd c-section. I can feel myself going on autopilot and blanking for short periods of time. That part of me that is overwhelmed by the noise, hustle and bustle, hospital, people, etc. is gaining it's quiet space. Rather than focus on the chaos around me I fall into absorbtion of what I should be doing (holding still) and looking for patterns to focus on (the dots on the ceiling, the pattern of the blue paper sheet before me, the weave of the cloth at my fingertips). I wish I could focus more on what is happening around me but it is too much. I just want it to be over so I can move on to the next part of living. 

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